- Clarksonisms

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[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

... And across the line!

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

Clarksonisms

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