Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

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On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

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[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

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You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

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Speed saves people!

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This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

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[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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