I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

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ze5zege ef ege gg

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Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

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In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

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That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

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tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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Whatsapp Status

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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Cadillac SRX4 "This is a very ugly car. So ugly in fact that you’ll want to get inside it and shut the door as quickly as possible. But sadly when you are inside it’s even worse. "If it were a creature, it wouldn’t be a lion or a praying mantis or even a chimp. No, I think it would be a wasp — useless and hateful in equal measure"

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

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I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

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On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

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Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

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This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

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On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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