Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

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On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

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When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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...In the world.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

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we wait with anticipation

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It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

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And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

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Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

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In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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