- Clarksonisms

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

How hard can it be?

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

On the porsche GT2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that concludes my roadroad test of the GT2.

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

Clarksonisms

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