on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

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When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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on the Peugeot 206 gti the temperature was nudging 75 F and i was headed for London in the 206. After half a mile i was suspicious, after a mile i was angry. it may have an air conditioning button but it sure as hell doesn't have air conditioning. The Rolls-Royce system works with the power of 30 domestic refrigerators. Peugeot's works with the power of an asthmatic in Bangladesh blowing at you through a straw.

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Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

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The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

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"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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