- Clarksonisms

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How many years are there in donkey years?

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

Deal with it

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

Motorized pepper grinder?

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

Frederik Du lugter

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

Clarksonisms

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