- Clarksonisms

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When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

ze5zege ef ege gg

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

Clarksonisms

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