This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

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Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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Some Poos Come Out

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

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POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

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On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

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I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

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(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

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On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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On the Kia Rio, "You may have seen The Fly II, in which a scientist attempts to teleport a dog. In one of the most gruesome scenes I’ve seen in a film it arrives at its destination completely inside out. Well the Rio is uglier than that. Inside, things get worse. "Small wonder Kia’s importer in Britain is sponsoring the Pedestrian Association’s Walking Bus scheme. The idea is that parents take it in turns to walk a group, or "bus", of children to their school in a morning. After three days of being transported in the Rio, my kids thought it was a brilliant idea to walk instead. Even though their school is 18 miles away and it was blowing a gale directly from the Canadian tundra."

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating N**i.

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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