- Clarksonisms

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Killing a mamooth

on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

we wait with anticipation

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

How many years are there in donkey years?

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

It stands out like

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

car goes fast

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

Motorized pepper grinder?

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

Clarksonisms

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