- Clarksonisms

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In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

Killing a mamooth

On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

Flying fish wasabi?

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

Clarksonisms

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