In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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Motor from a food blender?

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On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

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In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

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tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

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It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

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The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

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On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

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I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

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On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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