Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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Motorized pepper grinder?

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

How many years are there in donkey years?

Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “You see, my wife loves this car. She loves the noise and the vibrations and the sense of danger and the way that when you over-rev it, the whole dash lights up like a baboon’s backside. Richard Hammond on the other hand, he pretty much hates it. He says it’s too difficult and too complicated and that all the stitching in here looks like the kind of stitching you find when someone’s tried to mend their own shoes.

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

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