Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

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On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

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Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

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Land Rover Defender 90 Td5 Station Wagon "Often fourth isn’t enough to get you up a hill, so you drop down to third and it feels as though you’ve been hit in the back with a wrecking ball. All of a sudden you’re doing 35mph but your eight-ton suit of armour, making a noise that sounds like the birth of the universe, has come to an almost dead stop. "What’s more, there still isn’t enough room behind the wheel for anyone with shoulders or legs, there are still sharp edges, it’s as bouncy as a small dog at suppertime, and as a result it’s about as much fun to drive as a punctured wheelbarrow. And it’s not like the misery is short-lived, because each trip to the shops can, and does, take two or three weeks."

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[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

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"How do I tell James to slow down?"

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Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

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Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

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On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

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I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

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The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

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And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

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Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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