If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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Killing a mamooth

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

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(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

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The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

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I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

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Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

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On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

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On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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