It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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Speed is the solution to everything, not that I have ever done it, I mean I love speed but, not the other thing, the actual speed, the thing that makes you go really crazy and feel adrenaline curse trough you like hell! No not the stimulant, well actually... ...COME ON YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! (believe it or not, this is how he behaved when drunk 5 years ago, funny guy even when he is not trying to)

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

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Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

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It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

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On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

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I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

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On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

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[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

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These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

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"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

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On the Kia Rio, "You may have seen The Fly II, in which a scientist attempts to teleport a dog. In one of the most gruesome scenes I’ve seen in a film it arrives at its destination completely inside out. Well the Rio is uglier than that. Inside, things get worse. "Small wonder Kia’s importer in Britain is sponsoring the Pedestrian Association’s Walking Bus scheme. The idea is that parents take it in turns to walk a group, or "bus", of children to their school in a morning. After three days of being transported in the Rio, my kids thought it was a brilliant idea to walk instead. Even though their school is 18 miles away and it was blowing a gale directly from the Canadian tundra."

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Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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Cars cars cars.... heh. Written by: pirater un compte facebook

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

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