- Clarksonisms

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

M3 drivers have no friends.

I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

How many years are there in donkey years?

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

Clarksonisms

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