In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

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[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

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The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

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we wait with anticipation

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

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In the WOOORLD...

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

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Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

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Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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