If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

thumb_up thumb_down +35

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “You see, my wife loves this car. She loves the noise and the vibrations and the sense of danger and the way that when you over-rev it, the whole dash lights up like a baboon’s backside. Richard Hammond on the other hand, he pretty much hates it. He says it’s too difficult and too complicated and that all the stitching in here looks like the kind of stitching you find when someone’s tried to mend their own shoes.

thumb_up thumb_down +67

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Don't do that, tortoise!

thumb_up thumb_down -46

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +103

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

thumb_up thumb_down -12

I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

thumb_up thumb_down +12

[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

thumb_up thumb_down +336

On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Speed saves people!

thumb_up thumb_down +172

If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

on the Peugeot 206 gti the temperature was nudging 75 F and i was headed for London in the 206. After half a mile i was suspicious, after a mile i was angry. it may have an air conditioning button but it sure as hell doesn't have air conditioning. The Rolls-Royce system works with the power of 30 domestic refrigerators. Peugeot's works with the power of an asthmatic in Bangladesh blowing at you through a straw.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

thumb_up thumb_down +219

The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.