You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

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In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

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A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

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Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

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I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

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Deal with it

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

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As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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