In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

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Cadillac SRX4 "This is a very ugly car. So ugly in fact that you’ll want to get inside it and shut the door as quickly as possible. But sadly when you are inside it’s even worse. "If it were a creature, it wouldn’t be a lion or a praying mantis or even a chimp. No, I think it would be a wasp — useless and hateful in equal measure"

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

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The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

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Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

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On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

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"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

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Aston Martin Vanquish S "This is the last of the old-school Astons. It was built in the Newport Pagnell factory by men with body odour and hammers, rather than on the computer- controlled production line of the new Gaydon plant. And it shows. The car costs more than any other Aston yet is no quicker; its paddle shift gearbox is hilariously bad and its interior looks glued together from the Ford parts bin. It is the equivalent of opting for a rusty saw and leeches in the age of laser-guided brain surgery. Who is Aston kidding?

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

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I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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