...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

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Deal with it

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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Das Stig is a manaic!

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This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

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Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

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Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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on the Peugeot 206 gti the temperature was nudging 75 F and i was headed for London in the 206. After half a mile i was suspicious, after a mile i was angry. it may have an air conditioning button but it sure as hell doesn't have air conditioning. The Rolls-Royce system works with the power of 30 domestic refrigerators. Peugeot's works with the power of an asthmatic in Bangladesh blowing at you through a straw.

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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