What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

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The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

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This is the greatest car ... In the world

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

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On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

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Some Poos Come Out

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

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On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

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[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

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A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

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The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

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How hard can it be?

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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