"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

Speed saves people!

Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

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This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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car goes fast

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

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