car goes fast

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

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Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

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A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

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Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

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During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating N**i.

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

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On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

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The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

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Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

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I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

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Cadillac SRX4 "This is a very ugly car. So ugly in fact that you’ll want to get inside it and shut the door as quickly as possible. But sadly when you are inside it’s even worse. "If it were a creature, it wouldn’t be a lion or a praying mantis or even a chimp. No, I think it would be a wasp — useless and hateful in equal measure"

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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