- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

POWER!!!!!!!!!!

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!