- Clarksonisms

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In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

Motorized pepper grinder?

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

Deal with it

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

Motor from a food blender?

Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

Clarksonisms

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