The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

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It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

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Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

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If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

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Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

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How many years are there in donkey years?

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Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

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On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

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Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

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WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

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During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

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How hard can it be?

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On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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