Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

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Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

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"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

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Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

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"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

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great news I got this Minecraft Upgrade Code absolutely free! Check this site out http://mc.cardcodes.net

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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Killing a mamooth

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

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Das Stig is a manaic!

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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