On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

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This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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Assessing Hammond's crash: Clarkson: "you can see from the tape that the tyre is starting to come apart. Now why didn't you spot that?!" Hammond: "I had a lot on: I was doing 288 mph." Clarkson: "What do you mean you had a lot on? I can be in the office on the phone, doing the paperwork, kids are shouting at me, wife etc, but if a lion walks in, I'm going to notice it!"

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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Aston Martin Vanquish S "This is the last of the old-school Astons. It was built in the Newport Pagnell factory by men with body odour and hammers, rather than on the computer- controlled production line of the new Gaydon plant. And it shows. The car costs more than any other Aston yet is no quicker; its paddle shift gearbox is hilariously bad and its interior looks glued together from the Ford parts bin. It is the equivalent of opting for a rusty saw and leeches in the age of laser-guided brain surgery. Who is Aston kidding?

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In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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Some Poos Come Out

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

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The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

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"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

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[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

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ze5zege ef ege gg

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Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

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This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

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Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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