- Clarksonisms

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The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

How many years are there in donkey years?

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

This is the greatest car ... In the world

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

M3 drivers have no friends.

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

... And across the line!

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

Clarksonisms

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