- Clarksonisms

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The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

Speed saves people!

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Motor from a food blender?

[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

Clarksonisms

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