[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

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It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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Cadillac SRX4 "This is a very ugly car. So ugly in fact that you’ll want to get inside it and shut the door as quickly as possible. But sadly when you are inside it’s even worse. "If it were a creature, it wouldn’t be a lion or a praying mantis or even a chimp. No, I think it would be a wasp — useless and hateful in equal measure"

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In the WOOORLD...

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

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It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

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Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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