It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

thumb_up thumb_down -22

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

thumb_up thumb_down +113

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

thumb_up thumb_down +208

Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

thumb_up thumb_down +67

It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

thumb_up thumb_down +88

Peugeot 407 Coupé 2.7 V6 HDi SE "It has the zip of a chairlift. With plodding performance and steady-as-she-goes handling the only thing this car will make you feel like is a cup of Horlicks with a splash of hemlock. Empty-nesters should buy a PlayStation instead, and spend the afternoon shooting crack whores."

thumb_up thumb_down +114

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

thumb_up thumb_down +218

POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

thumb_up thumb_down +108

Announcing the Top Gear Awards in December 2005] “Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn’t move an inch.

thumb_up thumb_down +175

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

thumb_up thumb_down -302

Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

thumb_up thumb_down +99

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

thumb_up thumb_down +212

I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

thumb_up thumb_down +51

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

thumb_up thumb_down +102

There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

thumb_up thumb_down -36

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.