- Clarksonisms

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Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

Speed saves people!

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

Flying fish wasabi?

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

Clarksonisms

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