- Clarksonisms

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This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

Clarksonisms

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