- Clarksonisms

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

Motor from a food blender?

Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

Clarksonisms

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