- Clarksonisms

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Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

On the Kia Rio, "You may have seen The Fly II, in which a scientist attempts to teleport a dog. In one of the most gruesome scenes I’ve seen in a film it arrives at its destination completely inside out. Well the Rio is uglier than that. Inside, things get worse. "Small wonder Kia’s importer in Britain is sponsoring the Pedestrian Association’s Walking Bus scheme. The idea is that parents take it in turns to walk a group, or "bus", of children to their school in a morning. After three days of being transported in the Rio, my kids thought it was a brilliant idea to walk instead. Even though their school is 18 miles away and it was blowing a gale directly from the Canadian tundra."

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Deal with it

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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