- Clarksonisms

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The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

Clarksonisms

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