Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

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In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

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During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

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WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

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On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

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You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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"How do I tell James to slow down?"

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

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[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

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(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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