- Clarksonisms

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

Clarksonisms

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