- Clarksonisms

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

Motor from a food blender?

Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

Clarksonisms

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