[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

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The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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"How do I tell James to slow down?"

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M3 drivers have no friends.

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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Land Rover Defender 90 Td5 Station Wagon "Often fourth isn’t enough to get you up a hill, so you drop down to third and it feels as though you’ve been hit in the back with a wrecking ball. All of a sudden you’re doing 35mph but your eight-ton suit of armour, making a noise that sounds like the birth of the universe, has come to an almost dead stop. "What’s more, there still isn’t enough room behind the wheel for anyone with shoulders or legs, there are still sharp edges, it’s as bouncy as a small dog at suppertime, and as a result it’s about as much fun to drive as a punctured wheelbarrow. And it’s not like the misery is short-lived, because each trip to the shops can, and does, take two or three weeks."

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

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In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

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I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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It stands out like

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I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

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"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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