- Clarksonisms

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On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

Clarksonisms

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