"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

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On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

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Assessing Hammond's crash: Clarkson: "you can see from the tape that the tyre is starting to come apart. Now why didn't you spot that?!" Hammond: "I had a lot on: I was doing 288 mph." Clarkson: "What do you mean you had a lot on? I can be in the office on the phone, doing the paperwork, kids are shouting at me, wife etc, but if a lion walks in, I'm going to notice it!"

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M3 drivers have no friends.

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Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

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I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating N**i.

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

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On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

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Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

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Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

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In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

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on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

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Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

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While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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