I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

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It stands out like

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

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And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

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So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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