I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

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On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

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Volkswagen Jetta "I’d love to meet the man who styled the exterior, to find out if he’d done it as some sort of a joke. But mostly I’d like to meet the man who simply didn’t bother at all with the interior. Because looking at that dashboard gives you some idea of what it might be like to be dead."

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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Speed is the solution to everything, not that I have ever done it, I mean I love speed but, not the other thing, the actual speed, the thing that makes you go really crazy and feel adrenaline curse trough you like hell! No not the stimulant, well actually... ...COME ON YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! (believe it or not, this is how he behaved when drunk 5 years ago, funny guy even when he is not trying to)

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It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

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Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

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On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

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You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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Deal with it

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-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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