Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

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Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

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I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating N**i.

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

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And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

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I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

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When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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Speed is the solution to everything, not that I have ever done it, I mean I love speed but, not the other thing, the actual speed, the thing that makes you go really crazy and feel adrenaline curse trough you like hell! No not the stimulant, well actually... ...COME ON YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! (believe it or not, this is how he behaved when drunk 5 years ago, funny guy even when he is not trying to)

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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