- Clarksonisms

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

Killing a mamooth

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

Clarksonisms

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