- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

car goes fast

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!