So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

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...In the world.

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Aston Martin Vanquish S "This is the last of the old-school Astons. It was built in the Newport Pagnell factory by men with body odour and hammers, rather than on the computer- controlled production line of the new Gaydon plant. And it shows. The car costs more than any other Aston yet is no quicker; its paddle shift gearbox is hilariously bad and its interior looks glued together from the Ford parts bin. It is the equivalent of opting for a rusty saw and leeches in the age of laser-guided brain surgery. Who is Aston kidding?

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

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I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

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WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

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Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

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Motor from a food blender?

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On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

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tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

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These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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