- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

ze5zege ef ege gg

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!