- Clarksonisms

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On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

Speed saves people!

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

Clarksonisms

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