When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel “When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.

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This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

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I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

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Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

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On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

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So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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car goes fast

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

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When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

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Motor from a food blender?

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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