- Clarksonisms

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I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

How hard can it be?

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

Flying fish wasabi?

The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

POWER!!!!!!!!!!

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

Clarksonisms

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