- Clarksonisms

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In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

Frederik Du lugter

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

M3 drivers have no friends.

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

Clarksonisms

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