It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

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On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

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Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

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... And across the line!

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

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While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

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While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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How many years are there in donkey years?

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Some Poos Come Out

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

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I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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