- Clarksonisms

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This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

How hard can it be?

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

Clarksonisms

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