What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

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"How do I tell James to slow down?"

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Killing a mamooth

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

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[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

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Deal with it

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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...In the world.

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

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In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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POWER!!!!!!!!!!

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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