- Clarksonisms

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[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

Clarksonisms

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