- Clarksonisms

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

Motor from a food blender?

on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

Clarksonisms

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