- Clarksonisms

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

herro am spoderman

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

Clarksonisms

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