'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

thumb_up thumb_down +5

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

thumb_up thumb_down +343

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +117

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

thumb_up thumb_down +96

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

thumb_up thumb_down -13

I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

ze5zege ef ege gg

thumb_up thumb_down -106

Claire chris paul steve & dave

thumb_up thumb_down -22

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

thumb_up thumb_down -618

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

thumb_up thumb_down +115

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

thumb_up thumb_down -90

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

thumb_up thumb_down +48

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

thumb_up thumb_down +213

When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

thumb_up thumb_down +37

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

thumb_up thumb_down -107

POWER!!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +638

car goes fast

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Killing a mamooth

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

thumb_up thumb_down -100

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.