Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

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I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

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3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

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On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

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On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

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On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

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most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano "There, right in the middle of everything, is a quartic steering wheel. Yup, quartic, as in square, as in Austin Allegro. And worse still, it’s half carbon fibre and half leather, and it’s got all sorts of Formula One-style buttons on the bottom and then, along the top, a series of red lights that come on to tell you when to change gear. Unfortunately they are so bright you think you’ve been caught in the fearsome glare from a Martian spaceship. "So you don’t change gear. You crash."

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Das Stig is a manaic!

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On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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