- Clarksonisms

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

Clarksonisms

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