- Clarksonisms

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Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

How many years are there in donkey years?

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

Clarksonisms

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