Kia Rio "You may have seen The Fly II, in which a scientist attempts to teleport a dog. In one of the most gruesome scenes I’ve seen in a film it arrives at its destination completely inside out. Well the Rio is uglier than that. Inside, things get worse. "Small wonder Kia’s importer in Britain is sponsoring the Pedestrian Association’s Walking Bus scheme. The idea is that parents take it in turns to walk a group, or "bus", of children to their school in a morning. After three days of being transported in the Rio, my kids thought it was a brilliant idea to walk instead. Even though their school is 18 miles away and it was blowing a gale directly from the Canadian tundra."

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Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

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Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

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the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

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The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

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In the WOOORLD...

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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Motor from a food blender?

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

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The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

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On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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