On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

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On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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This is the greatest car ... In the world

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Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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Das Stig is a manaic!

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Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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