- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

Killing a mamooth

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!